search for something...

search for something you might like...

Hillary wants, more than anything, a tranny on Times Square Chris Connolly assiduously updates Edwin Edwards'

Hillary wants, more than anything, a tranny on Times Square

Chris Connolly assiduously updates Edwin Edwards' "The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy..." for 2008

by Chris Connolly,
first published: May, 2008

approximate reading time: minutes

The real question is whether she already has something and is simply waiting for the perfect moment to drop the bomb

Hillary wants, more than anything, a tranny on Time Square

What does Hillary Clinton know that we don't? It's virtually impossible, everyone other than the Hillary bandwagon says, for her to win the Democratic nomination. It would take something big, they all agree. Obama giving oral sex to a tranny in Time Square with an 'I Hate Whites' t-shirt would probably do it, but that's not very likely - rumour has it Obama doesn't like wearing t-shirts, and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who gives head.

So why is she persisting? The nomination, if not already lost, is farther away now than she ever thought possible back in those early days before the Big O emerged. Back then she didn't have time to worry about winning the nomination, because she was too busy planning for the presidency. But that was then, and things change.

America is ready for a female president. Hillary knows this, and has for quite some time. She was one of the first to see it, and it is this one fact that has kept her going through all the tough times. The knowledge that America was ready for a 'Mrs President' was what kept her warm through all those lonely nights when fun-time Bill was out eating burgers and hunting for pussy. All she had to do was wait, be patient, and then she would finally take what was rightfully hers.

But, despite those many years of scheming and planning, Hillary failed to realise one simple thing - America is also ready for a black president, and because of this she is now screwed.

Just being black doesn't trump being a woman, but this particular black man also happens to be a young, charismatic and oratorical black man who talks of 'change' a lot, and - even worse for her - he might actually mean it... time will tell. So yes, Hillary is screwed. Or is she?

There are a number of reasons why Hillary may have chosen to remain in the race. She may have been waiting so long for her moment of glory that defeat is now not an option, fully believing that the nomination and ultimately the presidency are hers. If this is true then she will continue to ignore and deny the facts until it finally hits her in November, when she sees that her name is not on the ballot, that it's all over. She will break down there and then, screaming like a melting witch before shattering into thousands of tiny little fragments all over the polling station floor.

On the other hand, she may already know that it's over, and be staying in the race 'just to see it through', as a point of principle. But that's not Hillary's style.

Hillary, more than anything, needs to feel in control and would rather destroy herself and everyone around her than admit defeat. Especially if that defeat happens to come at the hands of a good-looking black kid in a new shiny suit. You can see in her eyes - even through a TV screen - that she hasn't given up. And she won't.

It's puzzling. What is she waiting for? What does she know that we don't? The answer is SOMETHING. What that something is is anyone's guess, but it's definitely something. Maybe she's waiting for the photos of Obama and the tranny to get developed, but probably not.

But she has something on Obama - or almost has something on him - and just needs the cold hard proof.

The real question is whether she already has something and is simply waiting for the perfect moment to drop the bomb - publicly or behind closed doors - forcing Obama to drop out of the race, or whether she just thinks she has something and is waiting for that little bit of conclusive evidence.

Hillary has been around the block. She knows what goes on in the private lives of politicians, and she knows it very well. She has lived with it for an impressive portion of her life, and she has experienced at first hand the power that can be yielded over a politician who is prone to lapses of good personal judgement. Politics is a dirty game, and that's how the players like it - that's how Big Hill likes it, anyway, and she's been swilling around in that dirt for so long that it started to smell good to her a long time ago. She's hooked on it, it's her security blanket.

It's quite possible that she has been entrenched in Washington for such a long time, slinging and dodging mud, that she is convinced there must be some piece of Obama-related dirt out there that can win this nomination for her. Her only problem is time, and whether she will have enough of it to find the piece of dirt that will clobber Obama. It's there - she can smell it even - but she needs to get her hands on it by September, and so far Obama seems to have been a very good boy indeed. Extremist preachers just won't cut it; Hillary needs something with a bit more sleaze attached. The tranny would be perfect.

And that's why Hillary is still in this race: she has faith in the depravity of all human beings.

Whether she finds what she's looking for and pulls off one of the greatest political comebacks in recent American history, or whether there's nothing there to find and she ultimately bursts into flames, it will be interesting to watch her over the coming months as she steadily becomes more and more mean. She will eat less and sleep less. She will hold back less and attack more. She will search desperately for Obama's Achilles heel, her ticket to November and probably the White House.

And whatever the outcome is, from a good camera angle you'll still be able to see that slightly unhinged sparkle of belief flickering in her eyes, because this girl won't ever give up - she is a machine. Yes, be sure to pay attention to those eyes of hers. And if you see the Big O wearing a t-shirt in Time Square, take out your camera and get ready for a show.

Yours sincerely (!),

Chris Connolly

Chris Connolly writes from Dublin, Ireland. Allegedly he is not as dangerous as he reads. His first collection of short stories, 'Every Day I Atrophy' (the SideCartel) is available now. If you need to know more about Chris Connolly, he has an excellent and excellently informative website here
about Chris Connolly »»



All About and Contributors


Outsideleft exists on a precarious no budget budget. We are interested in hearing from deep and deeper pocket types willing to underwrite our cultural vulture activity. We're not so interested in plastering your product all over our stories, but something more subtle and dignified for all parties concerned. Contact us and let's talk. [HELP OUTSIDELEFT]


If Outsideleft had arms they would always be wide open and welcoming to new writers and new ideas. If you've got something to say, something a small dank corner of the world needs to know about, a poem to publish, a book review, a short story, if you love music or the arts or anything else, write something about it and send it along. Of course we don't have anything as conformist as a budget here. But we'd love to see what you can do. Write for Outsideleft, do. [SUBMISSIONS FORM HERE]


Ooh Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha May 29th

outsideleft content is not for everyone