I want people to stop using umbrellas, or failing that, to stop poking me in the eyes with them.
Chris Connolly has long since been one of the great contributors to outsideleft.com. Every Day I Atrophy, Chris' collection of short stories is available now for Kindle and in 2013 on everything else. Meanwhile, here's his most reluctantly compiled holiday wish list... Over to Chris
Chris Connolly: A quick warning: I'm going to be animalistic and selfish in compiling this list. I do have other more general, universal - and more important - things i wish for (like world peace, more intelligent and reasoned public discourse, more togetherness [or something] etc etc etc...) but i'm feeling particularly self-centred today, so...
1. I want to find that perfect level of drunkennes, realise it's perfect, and stop there for once.
2. I don't need a new laptop, but i want one just for a change (commitment issues.)
3. I want people to stop using umbrellas, or failing that, to stop poking me in the eyes with them.
4. If people continue to wield umbrellas without any consideration for taller gentlemen, I want it to become socially acceptable to spit on and punch these people, regardless of age or gender.
5. I want to get laid without having to put any effort into it whatsoever.
6. I want to start wearing a hat (without it being pretentious or some sort of fashion statement.)
7. I want to never have to quit smoking.
8. I could do with some cash.
9. I'm running out of ideas.
10.I really don't want anything.
11. I hate Christmas lists.
12. I've kind of forgotten what i'm doing now... I hope you didn't bother reading all of this. Sincere apologies...
If you've got any Christmas money left, get Every Day I Atrophy here