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Your Weekly Guide To The Future

Your Weekly Guide To The Future

by Ryan 'RJO' Stewart
first published: April, 2005
I suspect Sutherland is ready to go back to cinema.

We all seem to think we know what's going to happen. We say stuff like that all the time: "you watch - this is going to happen." Okay, maybe not all of us. But Ryan Stewart certainly does. So because he can, and because he wants proof in case it actually comes true, he's presenting five things each week that he thinks are going to happen. It's like Bill Simmons, only he's going to actually do it.

1. Sorry Cubs fans, but you aren't going to see Nomar at shortstop again the rest of this year. But you probably knew that one already. Trust someone who lives in Boston: you'll be better off without him.

2. Missy Elliott's new track with Pharrell Williams, "On and On" (from The Cookbook,) will be this year's mythic Summer Jam. Last year the U.S. didn't really have a proper one - there were plenty of good rap songs that were popular ("Lean Back," "On Fire," "Freak-a-Leak," "Spread Your Wings," "Jesus Walks," and "Breathe,") but none of them really sounded like summer. This one has all the ingredients. I think it's fair to say we as a populace are ready for this.

3. This season of 24 will be the last one centering around Keifer Sutherland and his character Jack Bauer. I suspect Sutherland is ready to go back to cinema. If Bauer even survives this finale, I'll be surprised. If he does, he'll be back in limited action.

4. XXX2 will do decent business - not as much of a gross as the first one, but probably a second-place debut. But Ice Cube will get a good response from both critics and audiences alike, and eventually announce his retirement from the rap game so he can focus on his film career full-time. It will take him a while to acknowledge it fully; possibly even a year.

5. The Dinosaur Jr. reunion joins Wire, Mission of Burma, Television, The Pixies and Gang of Four in the category of "well-received reunions that surprise everyone by how good they are." This leads to Blake Schwarzenbach seeing some feature on J. Mascis somewhere, taking a look at his latest bank statement, and hunting around the house for Chris Bauermeister's phone number. The Jawbreaker reunion tour kicks off in early '06, but does not go as well as the aforementioned tours, particularly because of the band's choice in opening acts.

I suspect Sutherland is ready to go back to cinema.

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