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The Week in Review: Sept. 16-23

The Week in Review: Sept. 16-23

by Rene Williams,
first published: September, 2005

approximate reading time: minutes

Now my fellow Bush-haters, we have to pick our battles.

Number 3 with bullet.

As of press time, lovely Rita is at defcon 4 with winds whipping at 145 MPHs with predictions of level 5 by the weekend. Over 2 millions Texans and Louisianans along the gulf coast have been told to flee and early reports are that it's taking about 12 hours to travel 50 miles as every freeway and interstate is at a dead standstill. As the third most powerful hurricane on record, Rita is sure to make this weekend a memorable one. The question is, how many charity concerts and telethons can America withstand? And this just breaking: there are early reports that this one just might shoot up into New Orleans at the last minute again. It seems God it set on finishing what he started.


No Nukes is good nukes
So the six-nation summit was thisclose last week to getting North Korea to give up their nuclear weapons. In exchange, the US along with China, Japan, Russia and a couple other nations I can't remember at the moment were going to give NK aid, security guarantees and increased diplomatic recognition. Then North Korea has the brass balls to demand civilian nuclear reactors up front before they'd go through with the deal. What the fuck, North Korea? Now everyone's back to the drawing board and now Britain is currently putting up Iran and their current nuclear hard on. It's like the Reagan Years all over again.


Strippers return to New Orleans.

In a sign that it's business as usual again in New Orleans, strippers are back to gyrating their wet, robust nether regions in the city's French Quarter. Exotic dancers and strippers are entertaining weary cops, firefighters and military personnel at the famed D?©j?† vu club which reopened this week. "It's nice to get back to work and these men need some entertainment," Dawn Beasley, 27 a stripper at the club says. "They haven't seen anybody but their friends for two weeks." The crowd has been hooting and hollering every night this week and business is reported to be better and brisker than ever.


Rock and Roll Popularity Contest

After all, haven't the Sex Pistols been up for this one a few times and they're still not it? Either way, heartland Rocker John Mellencamp is among the 15 nominees for another crop of inductees at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, joined by Miles Davis, Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five, Blondie, Cat Stevens, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynard, and Black Sabbath, the Patti Smith Group, the Stooges, the Dave Clark Five, the J Geils Band, Chic, Joe Tex, and the Sir Douglas Quintet. The safe money's on Mellencamp and Miles Davis, but I'm going out on a limb here and predicting a Stooges/Dave Clark Five night. Not sure who the DC5 were? They were the '60s version of Suede without the fey posturing.


Rene and Kenny Splitsville
So after Rene Zellweger announced that she's annulling her 4-month marriage to country singer Kenny Chesney to an ambivalent world this week, the rumors are peeling away from what she deemed a "fraudulent" marriage like so much flaky onionskin. Some pundits claim Kenny's gay, others say that it's the old Pitt-Aniston "I wanna baby, why don't you" situation. I say I'm amazed a lady with as severe a pruned face as her can draw seemingly normal guys. Jack White - what was he thinking?

Brit gives birth, falls in downward spiral.

As is all the rage with Hollywood births, Britney Spears is reportedly suffering with a bout of postpartum depression after giving birth to her little bundle of joy this week. Apparently she's nervous that she'll never drop the pounds and her cesarean scar will prevent her from ever donning another midriff-baring top. And she probably even hasn't considered how freaky her nipples are going to look after little Preston gets done suckling on them.


Lil Kim: 1 down, 365 to go.
Rapper Lil' Kim has begun serving a 366-day prison sentence for her conviction on charges stemming from a 2001 shootout outside a New York City radio station. The 4' 11" rapper was convicted of lying about the gun battle to a federal grand jury and in the subsequent trial. Rumor around the barbershop is that Lil likes the hole and the pole so a year in an all-female prison is going to be like a Sapphic buffet for her.


John Roberts' nomination to be chief justice gets greenlight.

The Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday approved John Roberts' nomination as the next Supreme Court chief justice, virtually assuring his confirmation by the Senate next week. Now my fellow Bush-haters, we have to pick our battles. John Roberts is not the worst that could have happened. He's as good as you could ever possibly have expected. Really, from a Republican President, especially one like Bush, what do you want? I'm not saying this is great news, but it could be worse is all I'm saying. Besides, you vote doesn't count anyway.




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