My girlfriend is all up in my grill telling me I should write something. Can't blame her, because I sure do bitch a lot without doing anything about it! What to write about?How about Kanye West! Man, everybody's all on this cat's jock right now, and he's just not that fucking great. Sure, some of his songs get my toes tapping, but for the most part, he sure is a monumental windbag. Motherfucker's all, "Check out my next collection of sped-up samples, try to ignore that you've heard them before, and watch Rolling Stone magazine give me five fucking stars for my new, improved flow. Hook, line, sinker, look how fucking handsome I am!"
Jackass definitely has some goofy-looking sweaters, I'll tell you. Sure doesn't make him any more goddamn handsome than he is, and it doesn't enhance his fairly lukewarm records.
Speaking of which! Let's talk about Kayne's first album, The College Dropout. Fuck, I checked that platter out before it was released, and word, I kind of dug a few tracks. Nothing the UMC's weren't doing back in 1992, but whatever. Oh, but then Mr. West's record comes out. The media buys his little car accident hook, a few singles get a dump truck of radio play, and all of a sudden we have "the best album of the year." Oh hell no, I say! You've got it all wrong! The gimmick was old, the flows were just okay, and blah blah blah I could say a bunch of other things, were it worth my fucking time. It's not!
Kayne's second album just came out, and damned if he isn't getting all fucking Wyclef on a motherfucker. Sorry, Clef, your first album was pretty swell, but then you get the Kanye Head and think Kenny Rogers sounds dope on your track. Ha ha! KW, that's where you're headed, get ready for it. That fucking Maroon 5 guy? Are you kidding? You're like one of those rappers whose rock taste is incredibly fucking pedestrian. Like, they put out good beats themselves but then reveal in interviews that "I like rock, too, you know, I like Coldplay, I like Sheryl Crow... Ha ha ha!
Bottom line, man, Kanye's headed downhill already and his blowjob-offering fans should fucking recognize it. Check it, I say to them, you've already got "Izzo," so stick it on a mix with the few other genuinely good Kayne tracks and shut the fuck up!
March sees a greatly expanded reissue of Elliott Smith's most critically acclaimed album Either/Or